At a Crossroads

I never meant to abandon this blog. Not truly. Even with the sporadic nature of my updates, I still liked knowing the site was here. Still entertained thoughts of writing regularly at some point. But life got a little bit crazy and a lot bit stressful, and as time went on I found myself less willing to share the details. And that’s the thing about blogging — if you can’t share your life (even a small part of it), if you can’t be authentic, there doesn’t seem much point in continuing. At least not to me.

The main fact of the matter is this: I’m not the same person who started this blog. My running has suffered recently, my priorities have shifted, and my day to day life looks very different. That’s not a bad thing. Everyone evolves with time. But in many ways I feel as though I’ve outgrown Health on the Run…or at least changed enough that it doesn’t really feel right to blog here anymore.

So no, this is not a revival. This isn’t necessarily a goodbye forever, either. But it’s a brief update. My hosting for Health on the Run is set to expire soon and I currently have no plans to renew it. I am sure this will surprise no one. But even still, it was a tough decision — hard to fully let go after all the time I’ve dedicated to this space over the last few years.

That being said, I don’t actually want everything that is up here to disappear. So I’m in the process of moving it all over to a free site. I can’t promise that I’ll ever do anything with that site…it’s more to preserve the posts that already exist than anything else. Assuming it works (which, let’s just cross our fingers and hope it does), the address should stay the same. But in case it doesn’t, I wanted to let any of you still reading here know that it may be going away.

IMG 1536

So where am I leaving you? Well it’s not some dramatic, awesome ending that I had envisioned (as if that’s really possible anyway). Life is always changing, and things look pretty different now than they did just a few months ago. The basic story:

We had a stressful summer filled with lots of uncertainty followed up by an even more stressful fall. After a lot of waiting, agonizing, and discussion, Evan and I made the decision to leave Vermont to pursue an exciting new opportunity (for him). We spent the entire month of October apart, prepared to move to one part of the state of Massachusetts, and then suddenly everything changed again. Evan took another new position and our family redirected our home search to Central Massachusetts. I can tell you up front that this was not the dream location I had envisioned for our family. And it’s hard to give up living in a place you truly love — my favorite place I’ve ever lived — for a place you never ever saw yourself moving to. Life is funny like that though.

Of course this big change meant that I needed to leave my job. So at the very end of October, we moved in with family while we searched for a house and I began a new phase as a stay at home mom. I won’t lie — it’s a bit weird to be home now with a toddler after spending the first (almost) two years of her life working. But there were a lot of issues with my old job (not the least of which was the fact that it was temporary — public health grant life) and many, many days that I wished I could be home with Amelia instead of in the office. Where I agonized over constantly having to divide myself between working-Lauren and mom-Lauren. Never being able to fully devote myself to either. Always falling behind a little bit in one or the other. So I am soaking up this time at home with my little one while I have it. It has been a new adventure, not without its struggles of course — especially living in someone else’s house — but a phase I am trying to appreciate as much as I can. Particularly since I don’t expect it to be permanent.

Unfortunately all those months of stress and uncertainty combined with a few other personal issues caused my running to suffer. We ran a few races in August (a 5K and the 100on100 relay) and I felt incredibly burned out and drained afterward…despite the fact that my training wasn’t particularly heavy. I ran both races without much bounce in my step and realized that maybe I just needed a mental break. I have been running in some capacity since I was 14 years old. And so of course I expect to go through periods like this. But if I’m being perfectly honest, running hasn’t been quite the same since Amelia was born. That may sound like a sad revelation, but I’m surprisingly okay with it. This is the phase of life that I’m in now…maybe someday it’ll be different, or maybe I will continue to grow and evolve in different ways. Only time will tell.

100on100 Team 2015

All I know is that running has been a driving force in life for almost as long as I can remember. It helps to define who I am, and (when going well) can bring me incredible joy and satisfaction. So no matter what it looks like — whether I’m just jogging a few days a week or training hard for my next goal race — running will always be a part of me in some way. We can never stay distant for very long.

On the housing front: we are finally set to close on our new home in a few weeks. A house in a town further outside of Worcester than we were originally looking, but one where I think (hope!) we will be very happy. A place that reminds us of Vermont…at least, as much Vermont as you can find in Central Mass. We are so excited to start this next chapter of our lives there. To finally SETTLE somewhere after all this time in limbo.

And, last but certainly not least, after a long wait we are so excited to announce that our little family will be growing this summer!

Valentine's Day Baby Announcement 1

Valentine's Day Baby Announcement 2She looks super excited about it too, right??

So there you have it. Lots of changes: some okay, some great. All in all I think 2016 is going to be a very exciting year. I’m sorry I probably won’t be around to share it here, but I will still be over-sharing posting regularly on Instagram if you’d like to take a peak at our current happenings. I will warn you though — it’s a lot more kid-focused than running these days.

And who knows? Maybe someday I will get hit by the blogging bug again. But until then – THANK YOU! Thank you for reading. Thank you for supporting me through so much change over the past 4 years. For the comments and the emails and the connections I’ve made through this site — I will be eternally grateful.

Over and out.

-HOTR <3

hilly run

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