Author: Lauren

For the past several weeks, I have been living in denial about the Boston Marathon. At first, I convinced myself that the pain I was feeling in my knee was just something minor that I would get over within a week. It didn’t matter that it hurt to even walk — all I needed was a few days and I’d be as good as new.

After all, I had big plans for Boston. Plans that included running with some speedy marathoners and chasing down an aggressive PR. And did not include being sidelined due to a stupid injury that came out of nowhere. Even though I’ve been doing this running thing for long enough to know better, a big part of me believed I could will myself to not be truly injured. …because we all know that’s how our bodies work.

But as the pain stuck around and my peak week turned into one week of doing absolutely nothing…and then two…all hopes of a PR went out the window. I let go of that dream and just focused on being able to run again. My sole goal became to finish the race. I figured that as long as I could get myself healthy before Boston, I should be able to handle 26.2, regardless of how slow it ended up being.

Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened. Despite a constant stream of anti-inflmmatory meds coursing through my veins, extra rest, ice and stretching, my stupid knee still isn’t healed. After an unsuccessful run on Monday in which I was both in pain and painfully out of shape, I realized it was time to stop deluding myself.

It was time to admit that I would not be running the Boston Marathon in 2012.

I am not going to pretend that I accepted this gracefully, rationally, and without tears. I know that I’m not the only runner in the history of the world that has needed to drop out of a big race due to injury, nor am I the only one who will be stuck on the sidelines in Boston. I also know that there are other things in life besides Boston and running. And that I have many things to look forward to at the moment.

But there’s something about having a goal that you’ve been working toward for so long taken away from you that erases all rationality. The fact that this is just one bad thing in the midst of a very exciting spring didn’t matter. For awhile, it became all consuming.

Which means that, naturally, I thought a lot about how I would write about my ultimate decision to drop out of the race. At first, I planned to post about how non-runners just don’t understand. How they don’t really grasp that you can put so much of your heart and soul into running. How the fact that “it’s just one race” often has no bearing on how devastating an injury can be. How they don’t realize that it’s not just about the exercise running provides — it’s about my sense of self. It’s about feeling strong, in shape, and confident. And it’s about loving – no, thriving off - the challenge of always striving to be stronger, faster, better.

Many people direct those emotions toward their career. For me, however, it’s always been about my running. It may seem silly, since I will never be fast enough to run professionally…or even on a semi-elite level. I know that I won’t be taking home huge trophies or winning race money anytime soon. But that doesn’t change the fact that running challenges me in a way that nothing else does. So when I can’t do it, well, I’m just not completely myself.

I thought about writing all that in what probably would have come off as a whiny, self-entitled, “woe is me” kind of post. Because even though those things are true, after a little bit of reflection, it became clear that it was me who needed a little bit of perspetive, not those other people.

Injuries suck. There’s no way around that. They are frustrating, depressing, and can make you feel powerless and question yourself as a “real”runner. But — injuries happen. Most runners are forced to deal with injury at some point in their career. Most of the time, this is not the end of the world. You skip a couple of races, lay low for a little while, and then, before you know it, you’re on the road again.

Do I wish I were running Boston? Heck yes (although at this point even running at all sounds amazing). Am I entitled to a little sadness because I’m not? I would say yes again. But do I have the right to mope around, snap at my loved ones and act like my world has ended?

Ummm…no. I have said it in the past and need to remind myself of it now – There is more to marathoning than the Boston Marathon. And there is a whole lot more to life than marathoning.

So on Monday morning, instead of running as far away from Boston as I possibly can, I plan to be back where I was last year — on the sidelines, screaming my lungs out. Allowing myself to be inspired by all the talent around me, and dreaming of one day being back on the course myself. Cursing the world as I push harder, faster, stronger than ever before.

—–

Good luck to everyone running on Monday!! I will be with you in spirit!

Last August, I had the opportunity to be a part of the inaugural Nuun Hood to Coast team. To say it was the experience of a lifetime is an understatement.

Not only have I paraded around race courses in bright pink and green running gear ever since, but I’ve never been better hydrated while doing it. And I’ve spent all year thinking about getting myself back out to the West coast for a chance to do it all over again.

Because it wasn’t just the fact that I love relays above any other race that made it amazing.

Or the fact that this was Hood to Coast – the mother of all relays.

And it wasn’t even the fact that the trip brought me out to beautiful Oregon for the very first time in my life.

Nope. In the end, it was the people. The other bloggers on both teams, the awesome women in my van, and the staff from nuun who took excellent care of us all weekend. These people were what made the relay.

So today, I am applying for another chance. A chance to get back into a smelly van for 24 hours. To run faster and spread the nuun love farther than ever before. To be reunited with some of the amazing women from last year’s team, the employees from my absolute favorite hydration company, and a group of new bloggers who love running, relays, and nuun as much as I do.

I realize it may seem silly to some that I have spent every single day of the last year missing the people I met during the 2011 Hood to Coast relay. But until you’re a part of it, you don’t realize how much one weekend can change you. And how much the people you meet and experiences you have over just a couple of days can impact the rest of your life.

Yes, I know. That’s a lot of sap to swallow first thing on Monday morning. But I just had to get it out of my system. I promise I’m done now.

So without further ado, I present to you,

An {ontherun} Application

If for some reason the embedded video doesn’t work, please click here.

Dear Nuun,

Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime last year. To this day, running Hood to Coast with your company remains one of the most incredible experience of my life. Please bring back Team Watermelon for another weekend of tearing up the Oregon coast.

Love,

LB

Today is the final day to submit your application to be a part of the Nuun Hood to Coast Blogger team for 2012. So get those applications in!! And best of luck to all who applied. I hope to see you on Mt Hood this summer!

Well hello there. It’s been awhile. Almost an entire month of silence. And while a lot has happened, in some ways it seems as though everything has remained the same. Since there’s no real great way to jump into blogging after an extended absence (besides providing you with a list of everything I’ve been doing for the past several weeks – which no one wants to read and I certainly don’t want to write), I now present to you a brief recap in terms of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Good

Somewhere during the time I stepped away from Health on the Run, this little blog of mine turned 2! I can’t believe I’ve been writing this site for two whole years already. You’d think I’d know what I’m doing by this point. …or at least have a book deal.

I just got back from a trip to the beach where we celebrated my Mom and the youngest {ontherun} sister’s birthdays. To celebrate the occasion, we baked the most beautiful cake, via a recipe found on Pinterest.

Nailed it!

And you wonder why I’m not a food blogger…

During the time while I was away, my poor fiance packed up my entire apartment and moved out all of my crap valuable possessions on his own. I’m not sure many other people would have been okay with doing that while their significant other lies on a beach. So I think we can safely say that he wins fiance of the year.

More importantly, I am no longer a Rhode Island resident!

If you’ve never lived in RI, you may not understand the significance of this break-away. But for such a tiny state, it has an incredible power of drawing people in and never allowing them to leave. I came to Providence for grad school back in 2007, determined that this would only be a 2 year living situation. 5 years and a couple of jobs later, I’ve finally gotten out. Little Rhodey has a lot of charm and I loved my time living there, but I am ready for some new and exciting changes.

I am now living under the same roof as EC for the very first time in our long history together. I should probably mention that we are also sharing a residence with his parents and younger brother. Not exactly the way I had originally pictured our first go at cohabitation. However – I am incredibly grateful to my future in-laws for their willingness to take myself and my crazy pup in for a little while.

Which brings me to my next, most exciting thing! We found a house! (Not to buy, but who’s counting.) And we love it. It’s in a new state, and will be a HUGE change from our normal lifestyle. But we’re both so incredibly excited about it. More details on this to come soon.

The Bad

Not everything that has happened has been exciting. Unfortunately, the stress and sense of being overwhelmed that I thought would magically disappear once April rolled around has not. (Surprise!) In fact, it’s still here, just as intense as ever.

That being said, I’ve recently just accepted that this level of stress is going to be standard in my life for the next couple of months. I had some awful days/weeks where I acted like a big baby about it all, but no more. From this point forward, I’m resolving to focus on the good, exciting things instead of wallowing in the crap (friends – hold me to this!).

However – that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly sad to report that recently, running has become pretty much nonexistent in my life. Remember how I was struggling with an arch/ankle injury? Well, due to some pretty stupid training decisions on my part, that little ache is now the least of my problems. I recently developed intense knee pain that has kept me from running for almost 3 weeks now.

Which brings me to….

The Ugly

I may not be running the Boston Marathon.

I can’t even tell you how much it pains me to type that. …and how many emotional breakdowns I’ve had up until this point.

After living in denial about the state of my injury for awhile, I finally got myself into a sports medicine clinic on Tuesday, and the results were not awful…but not terribly encouraging either. After a brief examination and x-ray, he told me what I already knew – I have Patellofemoral Syndrome, aka Runner’s Knee. And at this point, it’s too late to do any sort of physical therapy to get me ready for Boston.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that I can’t run. I am now armed with a heavy dosage of anti-inflammatory drugs and specific instructions to ice, focus on stretching my quads and IT band, and run “when I feel up to it” (whatever that means). Last night, after the first day on my new wonder drugs, I went out for 22 minutes of (almost) pain-free running. It was pure bliss.

But 22 minutes of (almost) pain-free running doesn’t exactly make me marathon ready. I’ll talk more about my injury and what I think led to it in a future post, but for now I’ll just say that the first few days after injuring it, I couldn’t do anything. Even walking or sitting with my knees bent caused major pain. It has gradually gotten better to the point where I could do the elliptical in the gym without hurting it (which apparently, according to the doctor, is bad for my knee. Oops), but over the past 3 weeks, the amount of cardio exercise I’ve done has been minimal.

So, even if by some miracle the pain dissipates enough over the next week so that I can run for longer than 22 minutes without it hurting, there is a much bigger question: At this point, can I even MAKE it to 26.2 miles?

I honestly don’t know. I’m going to give it a few more days before I make up my mind, but either way, it won’t be pretty.

—

For someone who just wrote that she’s resolving to focus on the positive from here on out, I realize that I’m not doing such a great job with this post. But what can I say? I’m a work in progress.

More to come soon! At the very least, I’m happy to be back blogging.

It’s been a full week since my last post. And in that time, crazy things have been happening in {ontherun} land. I know I have alluded to some big changes that may (or may not) be going down around here. Only time will tell how this will all play out.

But the fact of the matter is that my life is changing – in a big way. Marriage is a big enough thing already. Add to that plans to relocate and a new job…and I might explode from the stress of it all.

Good stress, bad stress. It doesn’t matter. It’s all still stress.

So my lack of posting isn’t from having nothing to say. It’s more from finding the time to say it. Because really, I have lots of things to tell you. Things like…

Last weekend was the complete opposite of my doubleheader race weekend. Instead of running a lot – I ate.

And ate.

And drank.

You have to try out the wines, too, you know.

Last weekend was also one of the best weekends I’ve had all year. Not just because of the fact that I overdosed on great food (including more cheese than I’ve eaten in the past year combined – you don’t go to a state that’s known for cheddar cheese and not eat pounds of it!). But because of the company.

And the location.

Even though I wasn’t thrilled about the fact that there is still snow on the ground…there’s just something about rural Vermont that causes you to instantly relax. I wanted to build myself a cabin along the river and never ever leave.

So there’s been some good stuff happening, but some not-so-great stuff too.

Like the fact that my body seems to be slowly breaking down, one piece at a time. Despite the fact that I’ve taken it easy with the miles and re-introduced cross training into my life. First there was the arch/ankle pain saga, and now knee pain. What’s next? (Don’t answer that, body.)

Or the fact that I seem to have taken on way more than I can realistically accomplish this month. I don’t normally wish there were more hours in a day, but I could use a couple extra these next few weeks.

And last night, when I caught myself sitting on the couch, stress-eating ice cream that I don’t even like (Cherry Garcia? Not your best work, Ben & Jerry’s), I realized that something has got to give.

Which brings me to my main point.

I love blogging. I love having an outlet to share my thoughts, reflect on training, and connect with other people. I love reading the blogs of others – seeing how they train, getting new ideas, becoming inspired. Usually this is all part of stress relief for me. But lately it has just become another stresser. And when I look at my list of all the things I need to get done, right now it’s the only one I can realistically let go of.

So while I’m not planning to disappear forever, I am planning on stepping back a little bit. I’m not really sure what form that is going to take – maybe I’ll feel especially moved and want to jump on my computer to write something again this week. But I’m guessing it might be a little while before you hear from me. Maybe you won’t really notice my absence, and you think the fact that I’m even writing about this is dumb.  Well too bad for you, then.

No, in all seriousness – I figured I should update you all on my thoughts. If I can survive this month, I’ll have lots to tell. After all, Boston is only a little over a month (!!!) away. And I will soon be moving. I don’t even want to talk about what I need to accomplish within that time frame.

Until next time my friends…

“What’s the point of being an outlaw if I gotta have responsibilities?”

~ Jesse Pinkman

In no particular order and for no particular reason…

You’re probably tired of hearing me whine about it by now, but my arch/ankle/whatever-the-heck-is-going-on isn’t exactly healed yet. I am still feeling some pain (though not awful) when I run. I know I should suck it up and go to the doctor already, but the thing is – I hate doctors and avoid them at all costs. I blame my parents for this aversion, since zinc and water seemed to be the solution to all ailments in our house [Dad: you don't feel well? You're probably dehydrated!]. I realize it’s probably easy for me to say this since I’ve never been seriously, chronically ill, but I usually just like to tough out the problem on my own instead of forking over a copay for them to say there’s nothing they can do.

I know. Whine, whine, whine. All that to say – I’m not ready to head to the doctor yet, but I am going to take the plunge and buy myself a pair of inserts. I’m thinking Super Feet, but am open to other recommendations.

And then, if things still aren’t better…I’ll go see the doctor.

There are only 3 months until my wedding. THREE. 13 weeks, 93 days, 2,232(ish) hours. Any way you put it, that’s not a whole lot of time. Guess I should start actually planning this thing…

Siri is awesome

It’s also probably time to start on that juice fast. I’ve got to fit into my wedding dress you know!*

*Just kidding, there will be no juice fast. Or any type of fast for that matter…

Speaking of [not] fasting, tomorrow we are headed up to Vermont for our tasting. I can’t remember the last time I was so excited for a meal. I plan to eat more in one night than I could run off in 5 marathons. My stretch pants are already packed.

We will also have some person snapping some nice pictures of us while we’re there. Maybe if I’m feeling especially cheesy, I will share some of the photos with all of you (remember when I was going to blog about wedding planning? Yeah….).

I am both excited for and terrified of Boston. While talking to Dorothy the other day, both of us admitted that we have no idea how to race this beast. I’ve only run Boston one other time. Although I usually tell people what an incredible, inspiring, surreal experience it was, I’m about to tell you all the REAL story.

I went out way too fast (surprise), and by the halfway point my quads were shredded. I mean, completely shredded. What people don’t really talk about is the fact that it’s the downhills on this course that kill you, not the up. After my speed demon start, I pretty much crawled through the later miles. By the time I saw EC around mile 23, I was in so much pain that I pulled him onto the course and made him run alongside of me while I cried. Of course this is where 90% of the professional race photos were taken. I wish I still had them, because we were quite the sight – him in jeans wearing a heavy backpack, and me crumpled over and crying like a baby.

So yeah – clearly I am a pro at racing Boston.

I’m lucky that he still occasionally runs with me for a bit during races. These days I try not to cry…

Stellar form, LB. Stellar form…

The woman who lives above me sings the same song over and over, every single day. LOUDLY. I can hear her as clear as if she were standing in the next room. At first I wanted to laugh about the craziness of it all, but then I got to thinking – if the walls/ceiling are that thin, can she hear the inane, daily conversations that I have with my dog?? You want to talk about crazy…

This month was already going to be busy enough, but now in a twist of events, it looks like I will also be moving. Where to, you ask? Well, that’s the craziest part of all. I have no idea…yet.

I have a total of one free weekend all month. Three guesses as to what I’ll be spending that weekend doing. Have I mentioned that soon I also will not have a job? It’s an exciting time in the life of LB, let me tell ya…

Finally, I currently have this song on repeat. I just can’t get it out of my head.

Gotye – Somebody that I used to Know (ft Kimbra)

Quick note: you may not feel comfortable playing this at work. It’s a really cool video, but there’s a lot of skin. Just throwing that out there…