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Coming Out of the Haze

Happy New Year!

cheese baby_41 weeks

I’ve been in a bit of a haze over the past 11 days since Amelia’s birth. Not only because I’ve been adjusting to life with a newborn, but also because we’ve had family staying with us through the holidays. It was a wonderful, slightly exhausting, time warp and I only just now feel like I’m coming up for air.

cheese baby_41 weeks side.jpg

 

Evan took my parents to the airport this afternoon and so for the first time since her birth, I found myself alone with the baby and the pup. After surviving a massive diaper explosion plus a nice healthy vomit (after I had fully changed her outfit, of course), I’d say we passed our first true test. But that’s about all I accomplished today. I’m starting to get used to a slower pace of life, days that pass in 2 – 3 hour increments, and relying more fully on others for help.

At some point, I will sit down and write Amelia’s birth story. Only because I’ve shared so much of the journey to her birth with you all. But for now, I find that I’m still too emotional, the details all too personal. So I’ll tell you the end before telling you the full story: Amelia was born via an emergency c-section due to a placental abruption. Despite all my proclamations that I wasn’t holding too tightly onto any ideal birth scenario and that I’d do anything to get her out, a c-section was not something I had prepared for. We went to an all day birth class that barely touched on it. Prior to my own, my only knowledge of c-sections had come from a couple of friends who had had unplanned ones. But at the time I couldn’t really relate. Because of course that wouldn’t happen to me. Women in my family didn’t have c-sections.

Amelia Lynne_hospital 1

But after a day of bleeding and a labor that didn’t progress, I had the first major surgery of my entire life. A surgery that saved my daughter’s life and has made me incredibly grateful for modern medicine (and forever indebted to the labor and delivery team who helped guide Amelia safely into the world). But it’s also one that has been difficult to recover from — both physically and mentally. Being confined to my hospital bed in the hours after surgery, unable to get up and comfort my daughter, to change her or swaddle her, was incredibly humbling and tough. It made me rely on my husband in an entirely new way…and ultimately brought us closer together as I saw him take naturally to his new roll as a father.

Evan and Amelia

Recovery has been a slow process. I managed to sweet talk my way out of the hospital a day early (so we’d be home for Christmas Eve), and I’ve been lucky to have my parents in town to help out ever since. Every day feels a little better, but it’s weird to be less mobile now than I was at 9 months pregnant. I know the road back to running will be a long one, so I’m just trying to be patient and soak up time with my new daughter…without going too stir crazy in the meantime.

Mom Dad Amelia

On this first day of the new year, it feels weird to not be setting goals, especially related to running. I have goals in my head, things I’d love to accomplish in 2014, but since I don’t really know the time line of my recovery, I’m trying not to hold too tightly to any of them. For now I’m just taking things one day at a time. Each little shuffle around the block that will hopefully lead to longer walks and eventually, some slow runs, is a victory.

And of course I’m excited to be starting this new year as a family of three. To enjoy the year with my little Cheese Baby. 2013 was pretty amazing…I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store!

 

41 Responses to Coming Out of the Haze

  1. So happy you have a beautiful healthy baby. In the end that’s all that matters. We’ve talked at length before but please know you always have me to talk to about this! If anyone knows unplanned csections it’s me! But seriously having Amelia by your side will make recovery and the emotional aspect of labor fade away. Enjoy the simple life. It’s the best!
    Lizzy´s last post ..Best Gifts for Toddlers (1-2 Years)

  2. She is beautiful! You look amazing! Wishing you a relaxed recovery. It’s not a sprint, it’s a half marathon ;-) koli and Evan will be the best dad and brother! Best wishes to you all in the new year!
    Kristin miller´s last post ..2014: Just Do It

  3. Big hugs to you, Amelia, and Evan! I know her birth experience was not what you planned or expected and it will take time for the physical and emotional healing to happen, but I’m just so grateful that you can heal while snuggling with your beautiful baby girl. Soak up these days as a family of three. There’s few things more precious than quiet moments with your husband and baby!

  4. Your line about relying on Evan. Oh man, made me choke up. Miles is 3.5 but the day he was born I saw my husband in a whole new light and it just keeps getting better. So glad you are all home and well. So happy for you all!

  5. Just wanted to pass this along: http://www.younghouselove.com/2011/04/claras-birth-story/

    Glad both you and Amelia are safe and healthy.

  6. Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds scary! Glad everyone is well though.
    Lee´s last post ..Looking Back at 2013

  7. Wow, how scary! I’m so glad both of you are safe. She is so beautiful – I’m loving all the pics you post of her on Instagram!

    I remember those first few weeks after I gave birth and thinking if I would ever physically recover. It’s a major trauma to the body! But I promise you will feel like running again someday. Be kind to yourself and enjoy every newborn minute, they pass so quickly!
    Christen´s last post ..Baby Boy is here!

  8. So scary! So sorry you had to go through that! Glad there was a happy ending for all though and you have one cute looking little girl to cuddle!!

  9. I’ve been waiting to see a post go up! Yay!!!! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!
    It sounds like it was quite the emotional roller coaster. I’m so glad you both made it through. You’re one tough momma!
    Definitely make those goals! Goals feel so good :)

    Happy New Year! I can’t wait to see more pictures of your precious girl!!!!

    And I’m going to email you the best gift of information ever…After much trial and error I have found the perfect sports bra for breastfeeding women. It’s the only one that supports all of this woman that I have going on. It’s quite an adjustment going from zero boobs to large lady lumps!
    Tami Washenko´s last post ..Espresso, Treadmill Racing and Fears

  10. Happy New year and happy for your family of 3. I am so happy that everything worked out and that you and Amelia are safe and sound.

  11. So happy you had a beautiful and healthy baby girl! Amelia is beautiful – that was my grandmothers name! I look forward to reading the birth story when you are ready to tell it, I am just glad you both are healthy and happy!
    Sara @ LovingOnTheRun´s last post ..Happy New Year!

  12. So glad you’re both okay! Happy New Year and best of luck!!!
    Cathleen´s last post ..2013 Philadelphia Marathon Race Report

  13. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and am so thankful that everything went (relatively) well with Amelia’s birth! She is beautiful, so so so adorable – look at that last picture! – and I am thankful you’re both healthy! Looking forward to reading more! Here’s to a quick recovery!
    Hayley´s last post ..2013 Recap, and Goals for 2014

  14. Congratulations! Amelia is adorable :)
    Lori´s last post ..Snappy snap snap

  15. Those chunky cheeks!! Amelia is beautiful. My daughter is due in May and I’ve loved reading about your journey. Wishing you so much happiness in the new year.

  16. I had an unexpected c section and agree that recovery was tough. But after the first two weeks, for me it got so much better. After my six week check up, I went for my first run. Hang in there. Congratulations!

  17. Congratulations again- you look great! I had an emergency c-section as well, and can attest that the first couple of weeks are the most difficult. The physical recovery is only part of it- there’s an emotional side to not having the birthing experience that you wanted that needs to be overcome as well. Be gentle with yourself- everything does fall into place with time. I promise!
    Catwoman73´s last post ..Tiny Angels

  18. I don’t comment often but I wanted to tell you that your baby is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen! She is beautiful! Here’s to a full and happy recovery and I hope you enjoy all those newborn snuggles because they honestly go by way too fast.

  19. Happy and healthy mommy and baby…that’s what matters :) YAY! Definitely soak it all in :) Wishing you all the best!
    MILF Runner´s last post ..Only 65 blog posts to recap…but the year had so much more.

  20. Congrats on baby Amelia! I’m sure it is nice to have some down time alone wih her. Can’t wait to see and hear more.
    Lauren´s last post ..Best of 2013

  21. Lauren, I’m so glad you, Amelia, and Evan are okay! I can’t imagine how scary that would be…I’ve been on the other side of mothers rushed into surgery and then taken to the ICU, and I always feel so terrible for them. I know it wasn’t the delivery experience that you ever could have imagined, but I’m glad you were able to get home for the holidays. Enjoy the little one and all the new things…I have no doubt you’ll be an amazing mother and back out on the roads. Heal up and soak up the precious minutes!

  22. again, congrats lauren! amelia is beautiful (and i love the name)!

    i cannot imagine how scary that emergency c-section must have been… and how you thought it would never happen to you. all these same thoughts are swimming through my head now as i go to the OB today to discuss Plan B (induction if i don’t go on my own). the 2 things i feared with pregnancy were bed rest and induction (which could lead to a possible c-section). and now it seems very real.

    it’s so frustrating when things are so much out of your control…

    you are in great shape and will recover quickly. many of my friends have been in similar scenarios and recovered quickly. in the meantime, enjoy those adorable cheeks!!!!
    kristy´s last post ..I hit the pregnancy wall…

  23. Placental abrupt ion OMG. I am retroactively scared for you. So glad everything turned out ok!!
    LizScott´s last post ..Commence Life: Phase 2.0

  24. Amelia is adorable!! Glad you both are healthy, enjoy your time with her!
    christa´s last post ..Weekly Menu

  25. Glad everyone is safe! I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like. Rest up and you’ll be back in no time!

    I love that picture of your parents with Amelia, they look so happy!!!
    Steph´s last post ..Things That Happened in 2013

  26. So glad you are all ok – I had chronic placental abruption in my second pregnancy and lost my son at 19 weeks…it is very scary but in the end you have a healthy beautiful daughter and that is all that matters. Hope the physical and emotional healing progresses quickly – you have so many wonderful moments to look forward to in this new year!!

  27. That picture of Amelia with her grandparents: so beautiful I teared up. I hope that gets printed and framed!
    Abbey´s last post ..Welcome Miss Mary!

  28. I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that, Lauren – but am so glad that Amelia is Ok (I hope you will be eventually, too).

    Kids are so unpredictable, from the minute they’re conceived. I’m dealing w/ preterm labor BS and some test just told me I’m 60x more likely than the average woman to deliver by 28 weeks. And, yeah, like you said about c-sections, I know preterm births are a thing but never expected it to happen to me.
    Jen´s last post ..Pregnancy update: week 24

  29. The shot of you kissing her in the hospital is absolutely precious!

  30. Wow, it sounds like she made quite an entrance into the world. More important than anything, I’m so thrilled you have a beautiful, healthy daughter safely in your arms. How scary.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery! <3
    Brittany (Healthy Slice of Life)´s last post ..Munchkin Meals: Weekly Toddler Food Prep

  31. I wish you a speedy recovery and she is absolutely beautiful!
    Jamie´s last post ..Balance

  32. She is absolutely ADORABLE. I love her sweet cheeks, Thanks for sharing your experience with pregnancy with us and now little Amelia!
    Stephanie @Cat Lady Runs´s last post ..Attitude, Easy Running & My Body is Over It

  33. Congratulations on your baby girl! She is sooooo adorable!

    I too had an emergency c-section (as I mentioned to you on Twitter – @runningrosal).
    When I read your post, I was nodding my head the entire time. The fear you have in that moment that they tell you that you need to have one is so horrible. I was so scared that I started shaking and didn’t stop until after Calen was born and they doped me up because I could feel them sewing me up (so awful).
    I went home after 3 days and recovery felt like it took forever. It was frustrating to not be able to sit up on my own, to need help to do simple things, to shuffle instead of walk, and know that the road back to my pre-pregnancy fitness self would take forever.
    I made myself walk every day, a little longer each time. I was cleared for “real” exercise at 8 weeks (although I’d been walking and using the elliptical for a few weeks) but running was weird. It was starting from square one and I felt really uncomfortable, like my insides were going to fall out. So gross.
    I waited another few weeks and tried again. So much better! I ran 4.25 miles that first time, very slowly, and felt amazing (but tired!). I ran on feel, when I could, and had to be patient with the pace. But over time, I saw the paces starting to drop and it was so satisfying. It did take me 3 months to feel like I was strong again.
    While pregnant, I signed up for two post-baby half marathons as a way to motivate myself to get back in running shape, but since I hadn’t expected the c-section, I couldn’t get in shape quick enough to run them. I could have finished, but I wanted to race, not just finish (after reading your blog, I know you know what I mean :) ).
    I ran my first race (a 10K) 7 months after having the baby, and then started running half marathons the month after that. It was frustrating how slow I felt (although my finish time was really good) those first few races.

    Anyway, that’s a lot for the comments section, but I wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I totally understand what you’re going through now and remember it very well. You’ll get your body back, your running mojo back, and you’ll probably be even faster than you were before. Plus, now you have the best reason to come home after a run and to be a good example for. My now 19-month old son just wants to run all over the place, just like his momma.
    Congrats again!
    Running Rosa´s last post ..2013 Running: The Miles, The Races, The Craziness

  34. Congratulations, I love her name! All of my children have been born via c-section and while it wasn’t ideal, they are healthy and alive and so am I! I’ll be having my 4th c-section in April, the recovery is exhausting and just as tough mentally as it is physically.
    Jen@PregnantDiabetic´s last post ..2014

  35. so glad you and Amelia are okay! she’s beautiful and can’t wait to see more pics. Rest up as much as you can and hopefully you are feeling better soon!
    elizabeth´s last post ..2013: More Than Just Miles

  36. Congrats and welcome to the world Amelia! Sounds like a scary situation, but so glad you all came out okay! :-)
    Jessica Morrison´s last post ..Getting Over a Bad Run

  37. Lauren,

    So happy for you and your little family! What a beautiful baby girl and happy ending to what had to be a stressful time at the end. I look forward to watching Baby Amelia grow and mom transitioning back to running. I just bought the BOB stroller and will be looking for advice in the months to come. ( =

    My daughter and son-in-law are due in June and I will be caring for the baby girl. I’m retiring from teaching and looking forward to becoming a full time grandma and runner!! A first for both.

    Enjoy these strange snow globe style days when the world seems remote. Everyone says they grow up fast and as I watch my 30 year old daughter carrying her baby, I can’t help but wonder how those years passed by so quickly!

    As a runner, you know how important (and difficult it can be) rest is to recovery, but time resting now will make you stronger. Congrats to you and your husband!

  38. Congrats!
    Evan Thomas´s last post ..12 Months Of Recipes: 2013

  39. Congratulations! She’s so adorable! My niece was born in August and is named Amelia too! What are the chances haha.

    Happy New Year! =)

  40. It sure looks like Amelia is smiling in the picture with Grandma and Grandpa!

  41. she is just. so. beautiful. Congratulations!!!
    Liz @FitLizzy´s last post ..Happy Saturday and Merry Christmas!

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