Coming Out of the Haze
|January 1, 2014||Posted by Lauren under Pregnancy|
Happy New Year!
I’ve been in a bit of a haze over the past 11 days since Amelia’s birth. Not only because I’ve been adjusting to life with a newborn, but also because we’ve had family staying with us through the holidays. It was a wonderful, slightly exhausting, time warp and I only just now feel like I’m coming up for air.
Evan took my parents to the airport this afternoon and so for the first time since her birth, I found myself alone with the baby and the pup. After surviving a massive diaper explosion plus a nice healthy vomit (after I had fully changed her outfit, of course), I’d say we passed our first true test. But that’s about all I accomplished today. I’m starting to get used to a slower pace of life, days that pass in 2 – 3 hour increments, and relying more fully on others for help.
At some point, I will sit down and write Amelia’s birth story. Only because I’ve shared so much of the journey to her birth with you all. But for now, I find that I’m still too emotional, the details all too personal. So I’ll tell you the end before telling you the full story: Amelia was born via an emergency c-section due to a placental abruption. Despite all my proclamations that I wasn’t holding too tightly onto any ideal birth scenario and that I’d do anything to get her out, a c-section was not something I had prepared for. We went to an all day birth class that barely touched on it. Prior to my own, my only knowledge of c-sections had come from a couple of friends who had had unplanned ones. But at the time I couldn’t really relate. Because of course that wouldn’t happen to me. Women in my family didn’t have c-sections.
But after a day of bleeding and a labor that didn’t progress, I had the first major surgery of my entire life. A surgery that saved my daughter’s life and has made me incredibly grateful for modern medicine (and forever indebted to the labor and delivery team who helped guide Amelia safely into the world). But it’s also one that has been difficult to recover from — both physically and mentally. Being confined to my hospital bed in the hours after surgery, unable to get up and comfort my daughter, to change her or swaddle her, was incredibly humbling and tough. It made me rely on my husband in an entirely new way…and ultimately brought us closer together as I saw him take naturally to his new roll as a father.
Recovery has been a slow process. I managed to sweet talk my way out of the hospital a day early (so we’d be home for Christmas Eve), and I’ve been lucky to have my parents in town to help out ever since. Every day feels a little better, but it’s weird to be less mobile now than I was at 9 months pregnant. I know the road back to running will be a long one, so I’m just trying to be patient and soak up time with my new daughter…without going too stir crazy in the meantime.
On this first day of the new year, it feels weird to not be setting goals, especially related to running. I have goals in my head, things I’d love to accomplish in 2014, but since I don’t really know the time line of my recovery, I’m trying not to hold too tightly to any of them. For now I’m just taking things one day at a time. Each little shuffle around the block that will hopefully lead to longer walks and eventually, some slow runs, is a victory.
And of course I’m excited to be starting this new year as a family of three. To enjoy the year with my little Cheese Baby. 2013 was pretty amazing…I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store!