The Weight of “Should” & “Should Not”
| August 19, 2011 | Posted by Lauren under LifeontheRun, Running |
Should
Such a simple little word, but lately it’s one I’ve been struggling with (along with it’s close cousin should not). I know I’ve probably gone through phases in life like this before. When “should” and “should not” consume the majority of my thoughts. But at the moment it just feels particularly bad.
I should be running more miles.
I should be running faster.
I should be more consistent with my morning runs.
I should be doing more tempo/speed workouts.
I should not be feeling so tired.
My body should not already be this run-down.
This run should not feel so hard.
My legs should not feel so terrible.
I should be in better shape than this.
All of those thoughts have been swirling around my head on every run/workout since Sunday’s seventeen. Who knows where they come from. Or why I feel as though I should be doing any of them. Logically, I know it’s all so silly. But I’m not always the most logical person when it comes to my running.
The problem is that despite taking a day of complete rest on Monday followed by a day of cross training on Tuesday, my runs have not really improved. My legs feel like lead; my body feels tired. So incredibly tired. While walking the dog this evening, I seriously could have just sat right down on the littered sidewalk and not gotten up for the rest of the night. Unfortunately the more I feel like this, the more I just try to fight it, because I’m convinced that there’s no reason why I should be feeling this way.
To make matters worse, the should’s and should not’s have started to spread from my running into other areas of my life as well.
I should be saving more money.
I should call my family/friends more often.
I shouldn’t complain about my job when I’m lucky enough to even have one.
I should have my life figured out by now.
Pointless thoughts that only serve to add to my stress. I know that it’s dumb and not productive to think this way. That running is running and I’m making it more complicated than it has to be. That everyone has things in life that they could be, that they should be doing better, and that I’m doing the best I can with where I am right now. The problem is, as I’m sure you’ve all experienced, knowing something in your head doesn’t always mean believing it in your heart.
I have a relay coming up. And it should be fun. The adventure of a lifetime. But as this week goes on, my excitement has been clouded by a series of really bad runs. Runs that don’t make sense. My mileage is not that high. My pace is not that fast. My training not that intense. I’ve run for enough years to know that I should not be freaking out about this. That one bad week does not a training cycle make. That sometimes, for whatever reason, running sucks. I’m just afraid that it seems to suck more often than usual these days.
If I were talking to anyone else in this position, I would tell them to stop stressing. I would tell them to listen to their body, rest up so that they could attack their training next week, and do well in their upcoming races. But I don’t always listen to my own advice. Even though I should.
Instead I just reason with my body. I try to tell it how to feel and how to behave. How’s that working so far, you ask? Well, truth be told…it’s not. Because sometimes things just don’t work the way we think they should.
Normally with a post like this, I’d try to share some sort of positive message. Some sort of awesome lesson I’ve learned or new outlook I’ve gained. But real life isn’t as clean and tidy as I would like blog posts to be. And so I don’t have anything great to share. I know I’ll get past this. I know that running ruts don’t last forever, and next week when I’m running along the Oregon Coast (hopefully) all this will be forgotten.
I also know that when things are stressful in other areas of my life, I often feel the effects of that on my runs. And there are lots of life-things happening right now that are outside of my control. A control-freak like myself’s worst nightmare. Finally, I suppose there’s a chance I could be a tad bit burned out. Because even though my mileage isn’t all that high (comparatively speaking), I have been doing a lot of races recently. In fact, in this last year, I’ve done more races than I have in any year since graduating from college. And although I love racing, and I do many of them for “fun” (sort of), maybe this is just my body’s way of saying that it’s time to take a step back.
But whatever the reason, right now I’m just weighed down by all the “should’s” and the “should not’s.” Which, in case you were wondering, doesn’t actually make running any better. Funny how we runners can be our own worst enemies sometimes.
Ultimately, I know something needs to change with my training – I’m just not exactly sure what. So if you’ve made it this far, thank you. I apologize for a negative post on this Friday morning. And if you’ve read it and feel like rolling your eyes and shrugging this off as big, fat #firstworldproblems, that’s okay too. I’ll be the first to admit this entire thing is a little whiny, and I debated whether or not to even post it. But in the end, I figured it’s better to be real. I love running. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t really hard for me sometimes.
Plus, writing it down can be a good reality check and a way to get over yourself, right?
I know exactly how you feel! Have you also thought about getting your serum ferritin tested? It might be a long shot but low iron could be good to rule out.
I was thinking about that, especially because I know I’m at increased risk since I’m also a vegetarian (in addition to being a female runner). My plan is to try to get into the doctor this week (before I leave for the relay), just to get tested.
Doesn’t it always seem like problems and worries like to snowball together into one, huge, not-life-shattering but completely overwhelming avalanche? (No? Just me? K.) In any case, the good thing about relays is that they are so fun, you tend to forget how out of shape you are – except during the part you are running, but that is only a fraction of the relay. Having just done a relay while very out of shape, I can attest to this.
ANYWAY, what I really wanted to say is this: there is very little you can do about your fitness/possible sickness before you go to Oregon. That’s annoying, but what I would do is look at the hand you are dealt, and make the best effort you can. And fortunately, being out of shape makes for great cheering endurance.
I have nothing especially helpful to say but I feel like this a lot and you’re definitely not alone. I feel like I could have written this post. I mean, without the running 17 miles on Sunday and doing a super cool relay parts!
You’re so not alone! I have just had a crappy week of running and it’s bumming me out! I feel like it shouldn’t be so hard.
I know you will get your mojo back — and as for figuring out your life? I’m pretty sure we’re all just figuring it out! You’re young, you have so much ahead of you, and bogging yourself down with “figuring it out” means you’re not enjoying it. Live in the moment!
I have thought a lot about the word “should” over the years. An amazing professor I had for a Positive Psych class spent a long time talking about the danger and significance of using the word “should”. It made me think A LOT about my self-critical thoughts that led me to have problems (with relationships, with food and exercise, with anxiety and stress) and start to slowly work on changing those thoughts. The thoughts still come out during times of stress, but not as much as they used to. I had to be very conscious of it and on a daily basis remind myself that if I could not be happy with where I was at, and if I could not give myself room to grow, I would never be able to feel great about myself and live the life I want to live.
Reading this I truly felt for you, Lauren, and I am really sorry you’re going through a stressful time and some difficulties with your running. I know you don’t need to hear that this will pass and your running will be back to usual in no time (you already know that!)…but I do want to say I understand what you’re going through and I’m here for you, and I know your incredibly smart and determined self will work through this.
Is it my fault you’ve run so many races this year? Maybe! I think we are a bad influence on each other for signing up for races- but I sorta love it, plus obviously we sign up for races for content on the blog. Obviously.
{I am TOTALLY KIDDING}
Anyway, it sounds like you’ve had a bad week. We’ve all been there. I think sleep has a lot to do with it too and sounds like you need more of it to de-stress you.
Try not to worry about running. Don’t let it consume you. Run when you have the right mental attitude. If that means only running 3X a week some weeks then so be it. You’ve run enough marathons to know that you will still run well at MCM.
You have a relay next week and then we have RTB which both will be a blast and will hopefully make us both fall back in love with running. Don’t beat yourself up, I know you will bounce back!
Yep – always gotta make sure I have fresh blog content!! If I stopped signing up for races, whatever would I post about? My millions of readers would be so disappointed.
(BRB – off to practice my race day photo opp poses!)
In all seriousness, I know I said this already but I want to say it again – thank you so much for this comment.
It’s all good, girl. We’re all just here to learn
The only real ‘should’ we need to pay attention to is the one about being nice to ourselves and others! Don’t stress about that relay…if those dudes can survive and have FUN having not trained and only eating pizza and drinking beer, you KNOW you’ll be a-okay. Cannot wait 
Such wise words. Thank you. I can’t wait to meet you next week!
You said above that you “didn’t have anything great to share.” Though it’s not a peppy post, it’s from the heart and what you are going through– and that is great to share, because we all go through these patches. That’s reality. It sounds like you may have some ideas about the shoulds/should nots that are throwing you off; some of them might take time to shake out. When I’m in a running rut, I also look to the other areas of my life, and sometimes even turn my attention to something else. When I’m not so focused on what is going wrong, things tend to look less bleak!
Once upon a time I had a lot of problems with should statements. I hate this word, it is evil. It gets you down. And I have tons shoulda. Now I say I want I need. Do I really need to run? Do I want to? You may want to do something but not need to, so what gomfor it but sometimes u need to do it even though you don’t want to. Should means blame and guilt and frustration. I would encourage the want and need approach. As per the running, you already know the answer. The hard part is listening. You need a break but u don’t want to. It sucks. You want to be super fast like always but your body needs rest. So just give it the rest it needs. No shame, no guilt. Just a basic old need. I am sure by Sunday you will be back at your regular speedy self and if not whatever. You are still a runner, you r still amazing, we all look up to you so just let it be. And when that seems crazy hard, because it is, get a good movie or something and lose yourself in it for a while, why not?
Whenever I stress about one thing, EVERYTHING else seems like a much bigger deal too. I think we’ve had similar weeks, Lauren! I hope getting all of that out helped you. You’re right though, sometimes running isn’t the most fun. You are so good at listening to your body and are SO strong mentally, I am looking at this as a tiny roadblock for you.
I do think a running trip to Oregon with awesome runners will help you get out of this run
Ah, I love running too, but it definitely is SO hard sometimes! It’s hard to pin point it on one little thing…too many races? Culmination of the past year of races/mileage? Stress from life outside running? So hard to tell, and therefore not an easy fix. I think Hood to Coast will be awesome because it will be FUN and hopefully put a little more pep in your step based on that alone.
It’s important to realize as a runner that not every run (or every week of running) is going to be fabulous…we’ll feel tired and run down and not like it as much and the sparkles and rainbows won’t always be there. That’s what makes the great runs so great! For now? Maybe take a few days off. Sometimes that’s all you need to get going again. And definitely look forward to and embrace Hood to Coast because it is an adventure of a lifetime and will be too fun to worry about paces or feeling sluggish.
No matter the end result, we’ll be partying it up and celebrating running…what could be more fun than that?
(Plus, you get to see me! And what could be better?? Just kidding…)
Nothing, obviously. 3 more days!
I think you and I have the same running brain. I am the queen of “you should be running faster” and “you should be running more miles.” It extends to the rest of my life, too, like “you should not forget all that minutia/details you learned in 2nd and 3rd year of medical school so easily.”
When running starts being not as fun for me, I start taking all expectation out of it and just try to enjoy a run. I leave watch at home – just myself, my ipod, and nature — well as close to nature as Central Park can get.
I think a little running vacay on the Oregon Coast will do the trick. Maybe when you come back, set a new running goal – something you’ve never done before. Or a new athletic goal. Or something like that. Just a thought.
I hope so! I think for now maybe I need to just re-adjust my goals. And then after MCM, I think it would be good for me to have a different type of goal besides training for another marathon.
i say let go….
take this week and just let go of everything.
the relay should be fun. no it’s GOING to be fun. I’ll make sure of that.
for one week, for one race – just let go. remember why you like to run. not because you should. not because it’s healthy….
but the way it makes you feel. the things you enjoy about it.
don’t stress about it this week… just focus on the fun.
Thank you Kelly. I can’t even tell you how much I love what you wrote. But you are so right. I’m already starting to stress less, which is good. I think a weekend and a little perspective was all I needed. I can’t wait to meet you next week!!
Lauren!
I think you should just take a few days before HTC and run exactly what you feel like running…no plan. Then when you get back for Oregon, see if you feel better!
And totally with you on life stresses. I feel I am nowhere close to where I want to be in a lot of areas…but that’s what makes us try even harder, right?
Right!
That is a much better way to look at it. And I’ve told myself that I need to be okay with letting go of the schedule and just getting rest these next few days. I’d rather feel good going into the relay. I can worry about everything else later.
Can’t wait to meet you!
Aww, Lauren, I am so sorry you’re struggling right now! I hate the “shoulds” too, but I hate them more when other people tell me what I should and should not do. Unfortunately, I’m getting a lot of advice like that right now. It is an awful word!
I really hope when you’re running in Oregon, you have the most amazing time. I hope that’s all you need to get out of your rut. Hang in there. I promise you’ll get through this
dude, even though this wasn’t a peppy post, i still think it’s important. it’s something you’re going through, it’s something A LOT of 20-somethings are going through, and it makes me feel better that i’m not alone in thinking these thoughts.
running is something we love, but it’s also not always easy (something my non-running friends and co-workers don’t seem to “get”). but working through difficult patches makes success and PRs that much more meaningful, right?
I wish I had great uplifting wonderful words of wisdom to share. Instead all I can say is you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. We’ve all been there. And it seems as if the only thing that helps is time.
See. Not much help. I’ll probably think about your post throughout the day and come up with the perfect words at a totally unexpected time
I’ve been feeling the same way lately. Although I haven’t had any particularly bad runs, I just started school (I’m a teacher), I’m one week away from my first marathon, and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed in almost all aspects of my life. I know that things will slow down eventually, but right now I’m just trying to hang on and make it through. While I wish I could be more excited and build up more to my marathon, there’s a big part of me that just wants to run it already so I can stop stressing about it.